Just over a week ago I hosted a Bad Poetry Slam at Autodesk’s Lake Oswego Oregon office during the Fusion 360 Teams Beer Bust for some fun. We had several last minute entries and all bad bad bad. Several employees submitted poetry as well as one external submission from a reader of this blog. Some were listed as anonymous submissions while others took full responsibility for their literary creations.

While all submitted poetry was bad, one clearly sank to the bad poetry bottom which is a winner for this fun contest.It took a considerable amount of effort and 5 pages of poetry, but people were wincing and groaning especially at the end with its clever ending. In fact the winning poet said he could have gone on for 5 more paragraphs of painful poetry, thankfully he did not.

Warning:: Bad Poetry Below…

The winning poem by Andy “Not Shakespeare” Sears

It starts off like any other

I'm having fun, enjoying no slumber

it is late and I understand what needs to happen

I understand the direction

I need to get cracken

in that direction lies the path

along the ground lies its wrath

horror it sounds worse than it is

concerned, I will tell you this

the entryway was blocked

I make my way through

I am reminded of Dr. Seuss

Of Horton Hears a Who

Horton had a journey

Horton had a goal

Horton had a burden

of where he had to go

similar fear of where I need to go

Forward anyway towards the final show

the entryway behind me

I move forward with guarded haste

realize this is a dangerous place

but my end goal is forward based

known and unknown what could be in front

Finding the way is always the brunt

the silence is all around the darkness is redundant

I know the Perils of moving through this gauntlet

what I don't understand is what it will get

uncomfortable and scared, simple little brick

that is the feeling when the blanket is gone

my path is not clear with a struggle for dawn

in the end only I will know success

only I find the true duress

it is unclear whether success will be granted

to know my failures will cause unrest

my Journey Begins with one step of the foot

journey will end with a successful output

solution only I can be the judge

of this success and failure navigating the fields of grudge

only I will know if I have have won

My journey is afoot the perils have been known

I still don't see them but you know they are home

I wonder now that I've begun

can I turn back is it too late

the place looked warm and safe

now I must move forward

although the brick is waiting.

 

I trudged along and find myself falling

lifting myself up keep on pressing

keep on moving I've made it this far

I can't turn back not even for the star

I know what is in front

I know it is in back

there is another piece that I have to find

I saw it earlier but now it skipped my mind

I know it is around I know it is waiting

it is lurking in the dark, like a tree that is hating

in the shadows just baiting me to fall

round the corner, hit like a ball

I feel the pain, the pain is searing

From the bottoms of my legs

My moan is really screaming

I knew it was there 

was there all along

it told me earlier, I have your song

I heard it's call and I did not listen

only thing I know now is it is bad to hasten

standing up and move to cover

I know my journey is almost over

In the last I find a stair

to take me out of there

this stair was steep but I find it none the less

hands and feet made it to the crest

I finally make it, I finally collapse

tomorrow the pain will not lapse

nothing yet for their day as not awaken

I know soon they will be ready to bacon

their eyes will open

come out with a smile

the first thing I will tell them

is my journey felt like a million miles

I will try to explain what it is that they have done

the pain that they have caused

the damage that they could have done

but the damage is overrated and exaggerated

their fun was worth it even for a few minutes

smiles can be a dangerous business

being happy is underrated

I know they mean no harm

nonetheless the message is clear

 

pick up your damn Legos!

A sampling of the other entries: